Former England skipper Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and stated he cannot yet deal with the full ramifications of the muscle-deteriorating condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the illness.
"There's something about facing the future and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the minute," he said.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's progressing. We understand that. But there is absolutely a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking together with his wife Annie, explains rather he feels "peaceful" as he directs his attention to his immediate wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the condition worsens.
"Maybe that's trauma or perhaps I handle situations uniquely, and once I have the details, it's more manageable," he continued.
First Signs
Moody learned he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physical therapy was ineffective for the condition, a number of scans revealed nerve cells in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're presented with this condition identification of MND and we're understandably very moved about it, but it's rather peculiar because I feel like everything is fine," he continued.
"I don't sense sick. I don't sense sick
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have some muscle wasting in the hand and the shoulder.
"I remain competent to performing all activities. And hopefully that will continue for as long as is possible."
Illness Progression
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the non-profit MND Association, the disease kills a one-third of people within a 365 days and above half within 24 months of detection, as ingestion and respiration become increasingly challenging.
Medical care can only retard decline.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," stated an moved Moody.
"It's the grief around having to tell my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Household Impact
Talking from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by sentiment when he mentioned informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "That represented the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was rather devastating," Moody said.
"We positioned ourselves on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog leapt across and began licking the drops off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody explained the focus was staying in the present.
"There exists no cure and that is why you have to be very intensely directed on just welcoming and enjoying all aspects now," he said.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been very blessed that the sole choice I made when I left playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as possible. We won't recover those years back."
Sportsman Association
Professional competitors are excessively affected by MND, with investigations indicating the prevalence of the illness is up to six times elevated than in the wider community.
It is considered that by reducing the O2 available and causing injury to neural pathways, regular, intense training can initiate the illness in those previously genetically susceptible.
Rugby Career
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his brave, unwavering approach to the game.
He competed through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a workout confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he discarded a tackle pad and began participating in tackles.
After entering as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the back of the throw-in in the critical phase of play, creating a foundation for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the victory-securing drop-goal.
Assistance System
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who captained England to that championship, and a handful of other ex- colleagues about his medical situation, but the others will be finding out his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to lean on their backing but, at the minute, just having that type of affection and acknowledgment that people are available is all that matters," he stated.
"Rugby is such a excellent family.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even if it concluded now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to label your passion your vocation, it's one of the greatest honors.
"Achieving this for so extended a duration with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I understand they will desire to support in every way they can and I await having those discussions."
